I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
