My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
