Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
