i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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