You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
