omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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