i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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