Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize