Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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