bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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