You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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