i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
