I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Acid is not a monday night drug
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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