I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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