fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
