What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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