I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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