grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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