I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Panties = found
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
