My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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