so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
