if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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