I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
