It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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