im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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