shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
