i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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