Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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