Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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