We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
