I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
