the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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