Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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