I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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