He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize