i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
