Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
