Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
