i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
