new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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