you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
