it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
