i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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