if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize