Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
