do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there's paper in my vomit.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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