And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
