His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
