haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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