I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
