Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
