i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
