i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
