i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
