She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i now understand why vodka
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
