hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
