My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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