well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
