I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
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I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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