finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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